March 15, 2007
Is Being Too Cheap Ruining Your Relationships?
I’ve seen a lot of things in my life, but I truly think this one takes the cake. One of my good friends has been dating the same girl for nearly seven years and still has not popped the question. After thinking about it for sometime, I decided to ask him what the deal was. He told me that he doesn’t want to get married because of all his financial insecurities. He feels that he would have to devote more of his finances to keep the relationship together such as: the ring, going out to dinner more often, buying flowers, purchasing gifts for her family and so on. The dumbest part of the whole story is he actually makes some pretty good money for a recent college grad. He doesn’t have any overwhelming amounts of debt and saves more than most of his friends. He loves the girl for sure and doesn’t want to pay for all of the extras that come along with marriage.
This issue has probably happened to someone you know. I honestly feel that being too cheap can seriously damage your thinking. Not wanting to get married because you don’t want to have to pay for plane tickets to see her parents, is just plain dumb. Some people just need to grow up and realize that this is a part of life. I would totally understand if he didn’t have a high paying job or he had a huge mound of debt, but he doesn’t. Some may say he has cold feet, but I know him and he is just being cheap.
Do you have any friends that are just too cheap for their own good?
After I got married, we actually went out to eat less, didn’t buy as many gifts, etc. We figured that we needed to spend more on the house and less on entertainment. Talking to your spouse about the financial situation should eliminate most of your finance fears about getting married. You’ll be both be on the same page and life will be grand.
There are many other financial reasons to get married. Benefits come in the form of taxes, retirement accounts, special incentives, insurance, and the list goes on. If you are ready for the big day and your bank account can handle it, don’t let little insecurities interfere.
The reasons listed don’t make any sense. The expenses at the beginning of the relationship tend to be of the flowers or going out to dinner variety. At this point in the relationship, they should have discussed money and hopefully share some common values. If saving money is important to both of them and their future, it is easier to save as a couple than an individual, especially single and dating.
If his concerns were related to the expenses of having kids and buying a house that would be more understandable. It sounds like he is simply not ready to get married, perhaps to this girl, perhaps to any.
He feels that expenses will inevitably go up. He doesn’t really care about the appreciating ones like a house, investing for college fund and so on. He just doesn’t feel like paying for the nitty gritty stuff; which makes no sense at all.
I’ve told him that if he doesn’t change soon he will lose her forever and never get someone like her again. Hopefully, we get a lot of good comments on this one and make him read them!
[…] Is Being Too Cheap Ruining Your Relationships? It has ruined a couple, but it has made other ones much stronger, and that’s a trade I would make any day of the year. (@ efipo) […]
We knew a guy named Mike who behaved like this. He made GREAT money, loved to talk about his investments, but refused to spend anything. He loved his girlfriend, her family, … but was not willing to part with any money for an engagement ring or make plans for a marriage. When she left home to attend an out-of-state college, she met another guy… Then (too late)Mike flew to her new home with a diamond ring (though a small diamond!) and proposed marriage. She was too tired of his ways to accept. It broke Mike’s heart. Too little too late. Very sad.
Years later Mike married, but never bought a house or spent much money on his family. Such love of money is an illness!